I turn the Price is Right down when the mailman comes. To me, watching the Price is Right, at least since I was about 10, has always seemed like the hallmark of personal indulgence and professional failure. I'm sure TPIR people wouldn't like me to say so. So I don't want the mailman to know that at 11 am someone is home and watching TPIR. Now, it's true I'm almost always working while it's on. And I only ever really give it my attention for a few seconds.

I've always suspected that if I ever got on TPIR, I would make it to contestant's row but never make it out. My life is contestant's row. And in the end, the camera would pan me as I tried to look happy with the voiceover saying that I had won some consolation prize of RiceaRoni or Swiffer or something. Either that or I would win a Motorhome. What the hell would I do with a Motorhome?

And what's going on with TPIR anyway? It used to be that when I was a kid, Barker's Beauties were three or four girls you could count on. It seems like they change them every day. I never see the same girl twice anymore. Holy turnover, Batman. It's like a brothel for travelers. Not only that, the announcer is different all the time too, it's really distracting. Bob can't keep good people anymore.

Has anybody had their pet spayed or neutered because Bob said so? Yes. Probably. Bob should probably not walk down heavily pet-populated alleys at night. He's probably not popular among the players of the pet population. Holy Empire, Bob.

SS