Attention: To the Friends of Murphy,

It is with great distress, humility, and sadness that I bring you this news. Barney is not long for this world. Barney was blinded very early on, as is Murphy’s habit. She pecks the eyes out deliberately and purposefully. And then the blinded dinosaur made out quite well for some time. This incarnation was a puppet and Murphy loved it when I brought him to life, when I stuck my hand up and in him and made him dance around. She loved biting at his soft bulbous head with my hand inside. Murphy loves tug of war. “Drop it. Let it go. Put it down. Let go,” mean nothing to her. Luckily this penchant does not extend to the arms of small children. With my fist firmly up inside the much challenged Barney’s head, Murphy would have fits of pleasure tugging and tugging.

And then the unthinkable: Barney’s head popped off. My hand, gratefully, made out alright. Now when I say, “Where’s Barney? Where’s Barney?” Murphy, in two turns, will collect both the decapitated head and the useless body and put them in front of me. I tried once to put my hand up inside the body of Barney as I would have when it used to have a head. Murphy still wanted to grab at where the head ought to have been but no longer was and got rather a mouthful of my fist. She still wanted to play at tug of war. This worked out rather badly. I don’t try that anymore.

Now, my customary fetcher of all things Barney is on holiday and far away. He may or may not bring back Barnies for Murphy’s continued delight. I just wanted to let my friends know I’m desperate for a Barney. Of course they are discontinued from what I understand and I most certainly wouldn’t want a fresh one from a store. It doesn’t even have to be a Barney but they last the longest. I have little by means of compensation. My endless gratitude and the smile of a dog. Thank you.

SS