I go through clearly identifiable waves. I know the signs well. I’m on my third coffee and third cigarette already and I’ve only been up not quite two hours. Sure I have a long list of stuff I need to work on. I know this because I spent those not quite two hours eavesdropping on Ellen reruns and making a list. But here’s the thing.

Work owes me money. They’ve owed me money for far too long and it’s a big irritation. I have a list of things I need to buy to get on with my life. Some of them are crucial. Some of them not so crucial. But even the not crucial ones would make me feel like a better person. For one thing, I’ve only bought two new pair of underwear in the past year. New underwear elevates me. My camera is on that list. But as a non-essential it’s always near the bottom of the list. On the top of that list is insulin.

I don’t understand how regular people can afford cameras, houses, underwear. Yes, I suppose I could get a job. A real job. But that involves a lot of things I don’t like. Interviewing, for one. I interview poorly. It always seemed like a playground game with silly rules that I never caught on to.

Where do you see yourself in five years? I don’t look that far. I don’t know my future after this weekend and I don’t want to. But quoting Bjork to answer interview questions has never worked out well.

What is your biggest weakness? Here’s my top five: I felt I was an ugly child and I remain a sucker for attention. I have a real aversion to committee thinking. I don’t like doing things that I think are stupid and I think a lot of things are stupid. Interviewing. I’m an exact balance of left and right brain and so I perpetually suffer a sort of grass is greener mentality which makes me altogether too restless.

Why should we hire you over any of the other applicants? Because I need health coverage and I’m saving up for some new underwear. And because if you did, it would save you a lot of time. You could, say, send all the other applicants home right now and take me out for a beer where you could pay more attention to me.

We are looking for a proactive team-playing out-of-the-box thinker. How does that recommend you to the job? Oh, Jesus. Are you going to talk like that all the time? Do you even know what you are saying? Well, I told you one of my biggest weaknesses was interviewing.

So yes, I have work to do but I’m feeling particularly slothful. I’m not feeling particularly encouraged or motivated when I can’t even afford a new pair of underwear. I could, yes, work on something just for me. I have a lot of projects. I have a list for that too. But I don’t feel like it. It’s part of the wave. I know what happens. I crash at the bottom of the Valley of Sloth where I stay for a while, bruised and muttering and cursing, and then I crawl my way out. I must be nearly at the bottom now. The muttering and the cursing echo the most at the bottom.

My coffee pot is empty. I will take Murph for a long walk and avoid, no, more likely postpone, the ineluctable crash.

SS