So I’m walking Murphy early this morning. Sometimes I get up exceedingly early just to change my day around. Murph has a habit of pulling me across the street to meet dogs. When she gets there she loses interest in about ten seconds. Across the street this morning was this little dog. It’s funny, I don’t know the names of dogs just the same as I don’t know the names of cars. It was a little dog, a little dog in a little shirt. Murph said hello, took a sniff, and lost interest. Meanwhile, I said to the woman that was walking the little dog, “I have a shirt just like that.”

And even though I smiled, the woman was not nearly amused. And because Murph had already lost interest, and because the woman looked very surly, I walked quickly away.

I don’t get clothes on dogs. Maybe there’s some evidence that boots on dogs in winter is a good idea. It keeps salt off of little dog paws. But I wouldn’t do it. There’s also some evidence that boots on dogs is a bad idea. Paws, like human feet, are meant to be hardened and calloused. Regardless, whether it’s a good idea or a bad idea, I think booties on dogs looks ridiculous. And causing your dog to look ridiculous and therefore to be mocked by the other dogs, is akin to animal cruelty. Also, as I understand it, dogs sweat only through their feet, so boots seem particularly cruel. There’s a woman on my street that puts reflective jackets on her dinky little dogs and even reflector lights as you might put on your bicycle. Poor, tortured dogs. Now, perhaps your dog is unwell or gets cold or has the palsy, but unless your dog has a doctor’s certificate, I think a shirt or a sweater is just silly. And perhaps, even though I smiled, my comment this morning might have been more obviously scathing than I had meant it. It remains true, though, I do have a shirt just like that. Well, nearly. Could you imagine how shamed I would be if I had worn it this morning?

Dressing up dogs is a clear indication that far too many people have too much time on their hands and more money than they know what to do with. Which might explain why celebrity types dress up their dogs. Too much time and too much money.

Of course sunglasses on dogs, because it’s so wrong, is still cute – like a moustache on the Mona Lisa, David with a nipple ring, or an infant with a roach. But I wouldn’t do it to Murphy. At least publicly. And just for the record, in case I get around to submitting my adoption application, I wouldn’t give an infant a moustache, a roach, or a nipple ring.

SS