SnappedShots: More Awkward Things

February 18, 2005: More Awkward Things

Your hands are full and your keys are in the wrong pocket and you can either put your bags down or fish the keys out of the wrong pocket, i.e., you force your right hand down your left pocket and of course you get caught and of course you look like a retard. Getting caught saying “retard” in front of someone who has learning disabilities. I know it’s not PC, but it’s a fun word.

After days or months or nearly forever, you at last confess your love. Only it’s loud or she’s distracted but she smiles anyway. Did she hear? Do you dare to say it again?

You call somebody by the wrong name and they don’t correct you. So you continue to call them that for months and they still don’t correct you and later, much later, you discover their actual name. Man, that’s awkward.

The person you love no longer loves you. It’s awkward. It’s ugly. But what is there to do?

An obviously sick person among the healthy. An obviously healthy person among the sick. A very long life. The elderly generally have few friends and few resources.

You say 選 love you’ and maybe you didn’t say it to hear it back, but you don’t, you don’t hear it back.

You see a pretty woman. And a baby. And you notice she’s breastfeeding. And she notices you noticing her breastfeeding. And it’s beautiful and honest and lovely; but you still feel awkward.

You no longer love the person who loves you. It’s awkward. It’s ugly too because it’s filled with guilt.

You go to a public washroom to urinate. There are three urinals and two men urinating on either end. Do you saddle up in between them or make in the stall? Either way, it’s awkward. You could shuffle a little and hope that one of the bookends moves but that’s even more awkward. In general, in fact, public washrooms.

Saying “I love you too.” It’s a ridiculous thing to say and when it doesn’t sound like obligation it sounds as mechanical as “gesundheit.”

Getting caught in a lie, in particular a stupid senseless lie. If you would lie about something so trivial why should anybody ever trust you?

Awkward Things

Julie. Hi Julie. I missed you. It’s good to see you again, kitten. The most common search engine term that finds me remains “diphallic terata,” you rascal.

lynn. that’s awkward, sure; but it’s also delightful and charming; as you are, always, delightful and charming.

Kia. Yes. It’s exactly the same mushroom. It has not fared winter well. I love that it’s still fabulous to look at even though it’s entirely altered. I like very much the idea of an exclamation in parentheses. Exclamation points are the loosest punctuation marks, and it’s nice to see it confined. [!] An excited whisper, as with an illicit lover, perhaps.

Posted by: ss at February 18, 2005 5:37 PM

we called a good friend, a few years ago, as we always did on that particular date, to wish him a happy birthday. his partner answered the phone, and hemmed and hawed, and finally confessed that the birthday was two weeks back (and always HAD been, of course)and that they had always found it amusing, and sweet, that we ALWAYS, EVERY SINGLE year, phoned exactly two weeks late with our congratulations. hmmm.

Posted by: lynn at February 18, 2005 1:19 PM