Dear Libido,

Yes, I know, it’s been a while. I’m sorry. I’ve been meaning to talk to you but it’s so easy to put off. I don’t mean to ignore you. I didn’t mean to forget about you. We used to get on so well. We used to pay so much attention to each other. I’m sorry I put you off, put you out. You used to give me so much energy. You used to lift me up, carry me off. You used to elevate me and thrill me. But you were a big distraction too. And sometimes you asked too much of me. More than I could give.

You were an itch begging to be scratched. At first, it’s hard, nearly impossible to ignore. But if you hold yourself off long enough, if you wait just long enough, if you think about something else, you can get by, and after long enough you forget the itch. Your skin goes numb. And now, I’m so far away from you.

A little was never enough for you. A little begged for more. A lot begged for even more. You were insatiable. But this, this is worse. Not a lot. Not a little. Nothing. None at all. And now, numb from need, I miss you. I miss the flush. I miss the itch. I miss the need. My blood runs cold. My body is ignored.

I don’t know why I’ve been away for so long. I don’t know why you scare me so much. Maybe I’m afraid. Maybe I’m afraid to scratch a little, knowing your way. Maybe I’m afraid that I need to need.

And you confuse me too. Why does anybody need anybody? Bodies are bodies. From one to the next, there is not much difference. Why should a body excite me? Why should a body excite anybody? I understand attraction and magnetism and pheromones and all that jazz, but a body is just a body, a foot, a foot, skin, skin, hair, just hair. It’s stale. Sex on TV always looks the same. I have forgotten what everything feels like. I have a sort of amnesia of the libido.

Dear Libido, where did you go? Where did I put you? I didn’t mean to shut you out. My blood has wintered, my body, froze. I want you back. I want back your rise, your heat, your breath, your brutal itch. I want your thaw. I want your energy. Dear Libido, whisper your need in my ear. Put your rejuvenating hands on me. Put your invigorating touch on me. I want to stop being afraid. I want to give away my stony control. Dear Libido, give me another chance.

SS