Dear Insecurity,

There’s no question you’re a close comrade of Fear. I see the way the two of you get on. I watch the way you play me. You’re a trickster. You’re a tiny spot that, as you itch, turns into a big gaping bloody wound. Better to ignore the tiny spot. Today, you’re a spot of mould on an old loaf. Tomorrow, the whole mess is green and spoiled.

I’ve kept you around a long time. And, no doubt, you know all my buttons. When I stooped and watched the floor, it was for your catechism. Shyness is just another fear. Introversion, another escape. I have, for you, let myself feel like I was on the outside of life looking in. I have, for you, put myself out. There is no inside and outside. That’s an illusion, too, like you.

You are a thin thing with one trick. You are my Iago committing to my ear your whispering, your whispering: You are not good enough. You are not smart enough. You are not handsome enough. You are not confident enough. You’re ugly and you’ll never be a movie star.

Whispering through anxiety, whispering through self-doubt. An itch, a sore, a rash, a gaping wound. You tell me not to speak and then you dare me to. You tell me not to go and then you dare me to.

Enough. Too much. I laugh at you. Your petty whispering is all you’ll ever have. Your dark corner cajoling is all you’ll ever be. I tell you to go away but you don’t. I tell you to leave me alone but you won’t. I think I’ve at last shaken you and you’re back. Is there no way to send you away?

I want to stand tall. I want to look up, away from the ground. I want to go. I want to speak up, speak out. Iago, at last, was sent to prison. Where is your prison? What prison will hold you, dear Insecurity? You will not bend my ear, you will not weight my eyes, you will not curve my spine, you will not keep me in, keep me quiet. You’re a fool’s advisor and I am a fool to listen.

I am, after all. And that is enough. I am smart enough, good enough, rich enough, lucky enough. I am everything enough. And I have had enough of you. Is there no way to stop your sticky whispering? Is there no way to stop my ears? Villain, leave me.

SS